Sunday, 11 November 2012

Where have you been?

Want to know what I have been up to? 

Click on the link on the sidebar to my City2Sea fundraising blog to see what's been happening and to read about our wonderful day yesterday.

Monday, 1 October 2012

bloggers challenge catch up

I am home again, staying put now for a bit and loving being back in my own space.

It was lovely to be away, some time in my parents very welcoming new holiday house in Inverloch. Some time with my parents and some time with my bestie and her 3 children.

I did have a little giggle when my mum, a very devoted grandmother to 10, suggested that Ally and I might like to 'have a break and go out to the pub for an early dinner.'
Ok, so let me get that right.  6 children aged 14 months, 3, 5, 6,7 and 8.  And 2 grown ups.  A break?  Not so much.

image source -

So home made spaghetti bolognese it was.  And like the best of long friendships, at 4.15pm, I looked at her, she at me and in an unspoken way, decided it was time to start cooking dinner so that we could pack our 6 little much wanted and loved cherubs away.  And let the real chatting begin.
Ah, chatting therapy, it is a much under-rated thing.  And long overdue.

I was rather thrilled, as I posted earlier, to find that my weight has continued to slowly slide down.  Slowly, but surely. And people are starting to notice, without significant prompting, which is such a great motivator to continue.

So now it's time to get back on track, and return to the guts of the 12wbt, not some spliced together version. 

So in that spirit, I return to the 12WBT bloggers challenge, guided by noni77 whose linky thingy I think is still unlinky-ed.  Nonetheless...

Week 3 – Ch ch ch ch changes

If we want to transform ourselves we can’t expect it to just happen – we have to make an effort and make changes in our lives. This week’s challenge is about the changes you have made to your life – whether you have been on this journey for three weeks or three years – or anywhere in between.

1. What do you think were the three most important changes you have made so far?
No more seconds.  Ever
Portion control
Take responsibility for my choices

2. How have these changes to your food, exercise or mindset impacted on the rest of your life?
A realisation that I am in control, for better, or worse.  I have choices, the trick is to make them good ones. 

3. What did you have to do in order to make sure these changes happened?
I believe that the preseason and warm up tasks and challenges really helped me get my groundwork done.  A gentle shift that got me ready enough to make changes that will stick. 
4. What difference have these changes made to your body transformation?
While my weightloss since the 12wbt has started is slower than some, my overall loss is something I am really pleased with and I feel the mindset changes and shift in my thinking are one's that I can really stick with and sustain.  
5. Have these changes been hard or easy for you to make? Why?
Err, kinda both.  There is certainly a commitment to make and it can be time consuming to trawl the forums, print the recipes, plan any menu changes, blog....but, it is taking the place of mindless tv watching, and associated unconscious eating, and wasted time online. And I found the 'work' of preseason and warm up to be hard in an emotionally challenging way.  Overall, living this way is much much easier than seeing my weight increase, and feel shit about myself.  That self loathing is super time consuming.
6. Would you recommend others make these changes to their lifestyle too? Why?
Hell yeah.  I love feeling healthy and in control of my health.  The 12wbt is not rocket science, but it is supportive and I think the groundwork stuff is really where it has made the difference to me.  And a lifestyle change that makes you feel more a part of your own life is surely a great thing.
7. What do you think the next things is going to be that you will have to change
I need to commit to getting into a better routine, not just 12wbt style but to really prioritise the important stuff of my life, starting with myself and my exercise, but including a better commitment to dedicated relationship time, and making sure I schedule some recreational time for myself too.  I have really left behind my occasional sewing and crafty stuff which I love to do, a little, not a lot of. And I need to get a bit of a career plan, an ongoing education plan for myself...some lists I think are needed!  And importantly I am going to schedule a few running events each year. I am committing to doing a half marathon in SA next year in the Barossa.  Oops, it's out now.  I'll have to do it.  Any takers?

and now -
Week 4 - Highlights so far

Breifly, this time. And in pointform for efficiency because I have to go to work. :(
  • losing weight
  • losing the big emotional investment in how fast the weight was coming off
  • rediscovering running and how clear it makes my head
  • incorporating lots of new food choices into family meals, and modifying existing family recipes to make them better choices
  • enjoying sausages (kanga bangas rock)
  • liking what I see in the mirror more.
  • Fitting into more 'lost' clothes
  • Realising that I can say no to food.  Amazingly, I am the boss of myself. 

and now -
 Week 5 - Food

What were your old food habits like?

Too much food. Great healthy food, made from scratch.  But no consideration, or awareness of appropriate portions

What were you like before embarking on this journey to become a healthier version of yourself?

Lacking in a sense of personal responsibility for my physical appearance. Simply that.

How did you feel?

Blank.  Didn't allow myself to think about it.
Was there anything you struggled with but have over come?
Portion control, and realising that it is not about restriction, or diet or going without.  It's about having enough.  And choices. 

So that's it for today, all caught up.  But need to get my marvellous list writing fingers on the job tonight and commit to planning for my important stuff.  And working out what that stuff is too.

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

down and down

Only a quick post today, from the Inverloch library...gee we are lucky to have such terrific libraries in both NSW and Victoria.  Wireless internet, computers for an hour at a time.  Really lucky.

Loving a break here, warm sandy times.  And although the Goose thought that the beach was great, apart from the sand, we are all having a restful and smiley time.

But I digress. I must be working harder than I thought because I am now well and truly in the 60s - 69.6kg this morning. Down from 70.2 last week.  So that is 2 weeks of back to back holidays and associated consumption and decreased routine and still managed a loss. It would seem that the times I think I am over indulging, I still have been better than I thought.

I am pretty pleased.

So that's it for today.  Hope life is treating you well.

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Week 4 - Milestone week and reflection

So today sees 4 weeks completed of the Michelle Bridges 12 Week Body Transformation

And what has changed?

As is my pattern when there are too many thoughts to articulate well, I shall proceed with point form.  It also makes me feel a little more connected to my love of stationary and lists when I use point form.

  • I have lost a total of 7.4kg since I began the journey.  Only 0.3kg lost appears on my 12wbt tracker.  This is partly due to my massive preseason enthusiasm, and the welcoming of the new truthful scales into my home. 
  • I am in a pattern now of making more thoughtful choices with food.  Even if I don't stick to my 1200 cals or even track them, I know that I ingest far, far fewer than ever before. Even when my mood is low
  • I oscillate with my exercise enthusiasm.  It is linked directly to my mood and mental state.  Ridiculously, I feel better when I exercise, but feel least like doing it when I am low. Kick up ass required.  Husband assisting.
  • I have lost 14cm from my body measurements.  People are starting to notice, so grabbing on to that as a motivator to continue
  • I have Bipolar disorder.  Whatever.  Still the same nutbag I was before.  Have a label to put with it now.  I am a categorised nutbag.  And that's ok
  • I am nourished by some particularly great friendships
  • I am supported by some lovely new contacts in internet land, on blogs, and on the 12wbt forums. I like that.
  • I have a wonderful little family unit.  The Nigelator, pickle, curly and the goose are my people.  And I am theirs. And we love each other.  And make each other laugh.  And prefer each other to all others.  And now I know it more than ever.
Off to spend a little more time away this coming week, this time at my parent's holiday house at the beach in Inverloch.  And will catch up with my gorgeous friend Ally and her brood.  Can't wait.

I hope the week is kind to you, and you are kind to yourselves.

Friday, 21 September 2012

i'm back!!!

Hi all.

I am back from a camper trailer adventure in Merimbula.  We wagged a week of school (it's fun to be a grownup sometimes!) and had a great time.  We stayed here...

Our campsite was just behind the building in the 1 o clock posisiton in this photo, ritght near the camp kitchen and amenties but not so close to have heaps of noise.  And close enough to the playground to hear the distinctive squark of one's own child without having to step away from camp.  Fabulous, highly recommend the park, and Merimbula.

We went to Magic Mountain.  Lots of fun. 
Let's not speak about the swarm of bees (I had one hand on my epipen and one eye on an ambo colleague I saw across the grass).
Lets not speak about the 3m snake meandering  a car length from the jumpy castle.

Lets just not speak about them. I have blocked them out and only remember the squealing joyful laughter of my daughter on the water slide, the 'cool as' from the pickle as he came off the roller coaster, the grin from curly as he came off the 'fully sick' toboggan ride.

The joyful photos of the boys and their daddy catching fish on their 'bloke' day, the goose and craft and chatter on girly day. Dolphins. Sand.  Rain, and sun. And yahtzee in the camp kitchen.

And the wonderful community of camping.  We chatted and befriended lots of other families.  Sharing stories, recommending activities and places to eat.  I cradled in my arms a little boy of 2 while his parents enjoyed the waterslide with their 5yo daughter, and they helped the goose too.  They were so grateful to be able to do that, and I was thrilled that the goose was able to be a little more independent, but be supervised too.  Ahh, camping.  It's a village.  And I love it.

Now here's the thing...I didn't grow up camping.   I grew up living in flats in Glen Iris.  Very suburban.  My mum's idea of a travelling adventure was to go and stay in a motel, with air conditioning and a pool.  In Burwood.  6km from home.  Opposite KMart.  Admittedly it was for a time the biggest KMart in the Southern Hemisphere.  But it was still Kmart.  And it wasn't camping.

The Nigelator grew up living by the beach, near Bells Beach in fact.  He also had time living on a farm in regional Victoria as a small boy.  All bikes, and tractors, and snakes in your bike wheel and dads shooting kangaroos and foxes.

Not quite motels in Burwood, I know, but a childhood of sorts, I suppose.

So it was quite a stretch to consider camping as an option for our family.  But I really love it.  I remember when we first moved away from Melbourne to live in Tumut, we made friends with people who were 'campers.'  They had all the stuff and were happy bush camping, equipped with all the stuff to manage without civilisation for a while.  I was amazed.  It all seemed so hard.  Toilet paper in your pocket, boiling the kettle to do the dishes.  Ewwww.

But then they told me a story of them going camping, ironically to the same park in Merimbula.  They'd driven for 5 or so hours to get there, a 2.5yo boy and a breastfeeding bub.  They pulled up at dusk, she started to feed the baby in the passenger seat, he started to assemble the tent.  And then the village arrived...a woman and child took her boy to the playground. 3 blokes arrived and helped pitch the tent.  Another bloke arrived with beer.  30 mins later, the sausages were cooking and everyone was laughing and the camp was set.  And then they all trickled back to their own camps. 

And I love it. 

Thursday, 13 September 2012

I am married to a really great man. And I'm planning my week 4 reward

Check out my new shoes.  Mizuno Wave Enigma.  So light and purpley.  And a bit hard core.

The Nigelator and I went to see Pickle in some rugby thing he was picked for.  It was played in the grassy square off the main drag in our town.  Yay, Pickle!!! But I was watching, not concentrating. But I was proud of my boy, out there, working hard.  He got 2 tries.  I am told that's good.
I am a barracker, but don't really go for team sports.  I'd much rather have a run and a chat than hang out at the footy.  The Nigelator really, really loves sport. A natural sportsman, he is capable at many things sporty.  He is also a committed sports watcher.  Jumps from his chair watching golf on TV, shouting and hollering.
Golf, I tell you. Really?
He is a reverse magic pudding for sport...he cannot be filled up enough.  It is a gift he has given our kids.  Go Nigelator, balance that crazy mumma stuff with ball sports.

Anyway, so we saw the pickle playing and walked across the road towards our car.  Past the Athletes Foot. 
Into the Athletes Foot.  And I accidentally spoke to the man,  and accidentally tried on shoes.   And the Nigelator, bless him, says to the man 'she runs heaps, like 30k a week, so she needs good shoes. And she's lost heaps of weight so her other shoes are no good.'

And he looked at me and said 'you love running, and you deserve them.  You can't let yourself get hurt because you aren't wearing the right shoes.'

And I think my jaw did a little drop.  Nigelator, for all his out-and-proud-ness of not doing feelings, is a super kind and thoughtful man. He looked at me with that effortless love look of a non-gushy guy who just loves his lady.  And I had a tiny tear, because they've been not far from the surface, and it wasn't about the shoes.

I am so fortunate to have such a steady, loving guy, a great foil for my ebbs and flows, a tolerant eye roller, and a guy who's man enough to feel lucky to have me too.  And almost 20 years down the track, he's the person I most want to talk to, to spend time with and to love.  And he doesn't do flowers or gushy cards.

Turns out, he does shoes.

And so I deliberately bought them. They were $240.  I have never had shoes, ever, that were that expensive. 

Ooh, I fancy myself now.  Imaging how great they'll look on my super long beach walk/run for my week 4 reward next week.

And now I'm off to cook some good car choices for our trip, a significant 6.5 hrs to our beach destination.

Some raspberry yoghurt muffins, some sausages (kanga bangas cold in the car, mmmm), and cook some chicken breasts to shred for chicken and salad rolls (no temptation from yummy cooked chook skin if I cook those suckers myself) 
And a big Michelle Bolognese to take with us so that after we set up camp, there is no temptation to get takeaway.

And while we are away, I am really really going to try to eat fish.  Seems silly not to eat super fresh fish when you are by the seaside.  And a great food choice that I should try harder with.

And, even though it is probably a bit silly, I am taking my bathroom scales.  We won't be home till Friday, and I want to know how I'm doing.  And they won't take up much room.  So there. 

So wish me luck.  I will be exercising like a demon, and making the best food choices I can.  But also living my life.

See you next week.


Interesting that today is RU OK? day

This image is of Bondi Beach today, to mark RUOK? day. 

What a great initiative, a catalyst for people to ask a question, and help a person who can't find their voice.

It was that exact question that led to me having a bit of a mental health meltdown, followed by formalising my diagnosis of Bipolar II, and now feeling as though I am coming out the other side.

As I have previously discussed, ebbing and flowing is how I roll.  One of my most gorgeous besties today reminded me that it is often the time that I seek help that signals the upswing in my mood, that the tide turning happens to coincide with, not result from, the 'help.'  She is in a position to know.   This is our 18th year of friendship.  She is a mighty sensible and tolerant gal.

And today, my GP appointment was less about white magic and more about common sense.

A turning point moment was in realising that I am addicted to the chaos.  My mad family of origin and all their crazy shit that I buy into, my work life as an emergency nurse, my 3 kid house and all its' natural bedlam, my 47 different half started activities (you'll notice, not half finished) is all about creating chaos. 
Chaos is what I know.  I can cope in chaos.  I feel safe in chaos.  It recharges me, fills my  emotional tank with fuel, all needed and puffed up.

For a while.  Then I realise that it is a really crappy fuel.  It's energy is really short lived.  And it takes more than it gives.

So the question is, how to find another fuel source. 
Food, historically, is not a great choice for me.  Refuel with LOTS of food and puke away the feelings. Nope, bad choice.


Run, beccy, run. Breath in the fabulousness, and breathe out shitty bad feelings. And look in the mirror sometimes.  And don't be cross with what you see. You have experienced lots of interesting things, not all of them great.  But you are a product of your life.
This is your life, no one else's.
Live it.  Be healthy and strong.  Run to refuel, fun to be fit.  Run to feel good.
Off for a family camping hol on Saturday, so shall be off the air for a little while.
In the meantime...
I hope you are.  And if you're not, I care.  And I want you to be ok too.
Cos not ok feels a bit shit.  But getting better feels pretty great.

Monday, 10 September 2012

Weight and mood

I have added a big brain dump to the pages part to the right here.. it is listed under
the big ol beccyb story
and I have put it there to bracket off the history until now.  It was a very useful process to get it out and another day, when I am feeling a little more together, I shall write more about our first baby, Max.  It was a complicated tale, and has changed who I am.  And he deserves his story told well.  But I am still a bit empty.

I can't promise that as I head down this bonkers path, there won't be more ridiculously long posts, as I need to journal my stuff out of my head.

But lets get back moving forward now that we have done some looking back...

I've been enjoying the food, making lots of substitutions but also trying lots of new things.  I am blessed with kids and a husband who have adventurous tastes.  The exercise is going well too, a little support from the forums here and there but am enjoying the 10k program.

And holy basketball jumps, has anyone else tried Michelles super shredder curcuit DVD?  My glutes are still sore from Saturday.  What a shred.  Shall be including that a little more often cos it doesn't hurt when you do it, but my word, there's a staggery walk to the toilet next morning.  I love that 'my legs are so workout-sore, it hurts to sit on the toilet' feeling.  Don't you?

It's week 3.  I went a little off the rails last week and had a mental meltdown of moderate proportions.
Prompted by the caring words of a colleague, I have made some steps towards formalising the diagnosis of Bipolar II.  I feel ok about the process now that I have had a bit of space from it. 
And in blackdog's self test, errr, I scored pretty high.

Today  I saw a counsellor that I have seen before throught the Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that my health service offers.  You can have a few sessions, face to face or telephone for any kind of crazy - work stress, financial stress, personal issues or relationship stress. 
I should have remembered that the last time I saw her, for a glut of super stressful work stuff that lead to me being a bit snakey at home,  the first response was to offer me a book called "good sex, great lovin'" and we talked little about the issues at hand.  I don't believe the book was particularly relevant to my situation, if you get my TMI drift.
Today, when I mentioned that she was my first port of call to get some support for my difficult to manage mood and that it had been suggested that I have Bipolar II and that my research and self reflection would support that, she launched in with a few anecdotes...
About her friend with a Bipolar husband who clearly has Bipolar I and sells the furniture while she's out.
About mania (err, I am talking about Hypomania, it's not the same) and how I don't have it.  I know.
About how the woman in the next office could do some kinesiology, and white magic.

White magic.  Seriously.

Would you like to make an appointment for another time?
No thanks

I am seeing a GP/counsellor (of course my GP is away) on Thursday.  I shall get myself a plan and I will be ok. 

I can happily report that the Nigelator, he of the middle of the road, he who reports he actually has no feelings, is coping very well with having a bonkers wife.  He has been kind and encouraged me out the door to run when I have felt more like putting staples in my eye.

It made me think of the lyrics to the Sheryl Crowe song 'Are you strong enough to be my man?'
I sang it to him today.  Turns out he is.

The times when exercise could sweep out the cobwebs and make us feel physically strong and capable and much more able to cope, are the times we feel least able to.

It is interesting that the times that most of us have looked our best physically, have been the times when we are least 'together' on the inside.

I suspect that I am like many with 'issews' with weight and food, it's not about the food.  People who overeat or are outside a healthy weight range often eat to protect themselves - if I am fat, I am less attractive, I'm invisible.  I am safe.

Protected from what?

Inappropriate contact - so many women have been raped, or molested or experienced unwanted sexual contact and so being physically invisible, as many overweight people do, feels like insulation.  The same could be said of the invisibility of wasting away through eating disorders of food withholding.
Protected from feeling.  Feeling real emotions.  Connecting with people, allowing them to see us for who we are.  Risking that they do not like us.  Risking that they do.

It is tough to be vulnerable.  The world can be prickly. 

Embracing the 12WBT and grabbing this moment where my mental health is challenging me seems like a bit of a double whammy.  I feel like I should do one or the other. 

But they are intrinsically linked.  I need to get myself well - and my physical and mental health are equally important.  Imaging how great it'll be when I have smashed the 12wbt and have a plan to keep my mental health manageable?

Off out the door after a nice carrot wrap to do my strength work outside in the sun.

Wednesday, 5 September 2012


I am in the middle of my work week, 3 nightshifts down, 3 to go.

It has been a rough run.  Too many really sick kids to mention.  I don't mean fully sick, as in subwoofer,  I mean critically ill, edge of life stuff. 

And so I am feeling a little bruised.  And my mummy bone is a little fragile.

The Nigelator and I negotiated for him to play in a golf thingy for most of the days of this week.  We planned that I would come home, have some breaky and straight to bed, so that I could get up to pick up the kids and do the afternoony stuff. 
This is a bit of a shift from our normal pattern - I usually come home, we share the getting the kids out the door stuff and then I wake up whenever in the arvo...sometimes it's 4 hours, sometimes 7, but he carries the load for the arvo. 
He's a good bloke and I am fortunate to have a relationship where we truly share the load of house stuff and parenting.  (Today, I woke up and he had vacuumed and mopped.  Bliss)

Yesterday, I woke after 4 hours and needed to get the kids from school and preschool (located next to each other so very convenient) and felt super bleh.  Not sick but hurty belly.  Annoying ovaries probably, but my mood was low.

And I found it hard to lift my mood.  Really hard.  Felt close to tears.   And so it goes. 

I have had many times in my life where my ability to manage my mood has been a challenge.  I have certainly experienced depression, and most people who know me well have seen me in times of hypomania.  I have never been formally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, but my GP skirted around the edge of it last time I checked in with her. 

It wouldn't be a big surprise to me.  Nor, probably to the people I love and love me back.  I function pretty well, and I believe I have reasonable insight into where I am at.

And so it goes.

When I found myself in struggletown yesterday, I decided go and buy some proper digital scales from Big W. 
I love Big W, can't describe it, but I really like to shop there.  Easy to find stuff, good range, good prices (although how are the prices at KMart recently?? makes me a little nervous about the sweatshoppy potential. But I do love a bargain).  But I digress.

I had my suspicions that my dodgy old spring scales weren't as accurate as they could be so I bought some new $30 digital, tell the truth ones.

I didn't like the truth they gave me today, when I woke up after 6 hours of dead to the world sleep.  The sleep of emotional fatigue.

1.3kg more than last week's weigh in.  Bleh

But, I can see where this could be so

  • I am working this week, so weigh in arvo when I get up is not truly a first thing, after toilet naked weigh in.
  • New scales.  Potentially more truthful.  Bleh
  • My bleh of this week has seen me less vigilant with my calorie tracking. 
  • Possibly portion creeping associated with bleh.
  • bleh
And so it goes.

And off we went to the soccer final for Curly after school.  They got slaughtered.  But they are 7 and got a trophy and a sausage so really didn't care that much.
But I found I was close to tears for much of the game.  Nothing to do with the game.  And when, after the game, Pickle said 'mum, are you alright' and I said ' you know what, I just feel a bit bleh.  You know when there's nothing in particular that you are upset about, but you just feel bleh?  That's how I feel.  It's not your fault.' 

And he looked at me, really looked at me.  And he said ' I know exactly what you mean, Mum.'  And he proceeded to recall 4 or 5 occasions where he felt exactly the same way.

And down came the rain.  Sobbed.  Ugly sobs too. Because he meant it.  A boy who at 5 made suicidal statements and tried to be hit by a car.  A boy who said 'nothing about my life makes me happy and I just want to die'. 

A crisis mental health assessment and a great child psychologist helped him out the other side and he is now a regular boy who's mood is sometimes a little low, but who is generally a happy functional kid with good resilience.

Ringing any bells?  Yep, that's be the cow bell of mother guilt.  I have been a peaks and troughs girl all my life.  And in the depths of my melancholy, my 8yo son is the one who spotted it, and dished out the empathy.  And just gave me the most wonderful hug at bedtime and said 'it'll pass, Mum.'


He's right.  But I hate it that he knows.  Way to go with passing on great stuff to your kids, BeccyB.

And so, I pushed down all the feelings with souvlaki and chips for dinner.  Fish and chips for the kids.

Unsurprisingly, that only lasted momentarily.

So the plan goes like this...
  • Go easy on myself for 3 more nights,  then 3 weeks off work.
  • Go back to the GP next week and see what we can do about a referral to a 'feelings' doctor
  • Go for a run, right now to clear my head.
  • Realise that if I can sort my shit out and be a functional person, diagnosis or not, I can still be a great role model to my boy (diagnosis or not) about how to rock the world with your awesomeness, peaks, troughs and all.
  • Get back on track with calorie tracking and know that it's ok
  • Talk to my people. 
So it's out the door now.  I feel a little more clear headed for writing it down.

And I am who I am.  I'll be ok, regardless of whether I have a label.

And so it goes.

Thursday, 30 August 2012

growing up

and sometimes it's hard. 
 Really hard.

update on the week so far

2 post in one day, can you tell that my computer was down and I have had an enforced break?

So I have lost a total of 8kg since I was first aware that I had turned into a boomba, May-ish, I think it was.  And I have lost 2 kg since signup to the 12WBT.

This is week one, and how has it gone?

Really well.  I have exchanged a few bits and pieces from the menu, and tried some things I wasn't sure of.

I went shopping on Monday, kid free and plenty of time to plan for the week.  I stumbled in to the supermarket meat section to find the butchers with their discount stickers and really cleaned up.

Turkey breast steaks (only 1cal per 1g, really lean)  were 30% off, so I made turkey steaks with ratatouille and spinach salad (+ pasta for man and kids) which was really yummy and a big hit with everyone.

They also had lamb cutlets reduced.  Into the freezer they went, and a tiny happy dance, because they are usually pretty expensive.  Also into the freezer went discounted kanga bangas (man, they are good) and some kangaroo mince.

The kangaroo pie was well received by all, but next time, I think I'd mix the kanga mince 50/50 with beef mince.  The soup was lovely and enjoyed by all that eat soup.
The fish pie was a tick for 2 of 3 kids, and the Nigelator, but curly and I didn't like it.  I don't like fish, but gave it a go because I am brave.  Next time, it'll be more of a ratatouille type fish stew and they'll all love it while I eat lettuce-y stuff. 

Well not really, there are such a lot of options to bang together quite quickly.  I am really impressed with how easy it is to stick to the calorie limit with good meal and snack options.

Now, I need to get of the 'puter and have a chat to my husband but before I go, there's one more thing.

Caramel rice cakes. OMG.  Really.  OMG.  36 calories of OMG-ness.  They are really sweet and yummy and filling.  I realise that they are not going to save the world, but they are worth knowing about. 

till next time, becc

linky thingy

77Noni, a very successful participant in previous rounds of the 12wbt, and blogger  has started a linky thingy.  I don't know about linky things but I liked her idea about blogging about a specific topic and revealing a little more about yourself, in this instance a little more about yourself as it pertains to the 12WBT.  And so I have followed her instructions to link in, and will answer her questions...  there will be another post about me, the non-12wbt beccyb, but for now, here goes with the linky questions.

1. Describe yourself in less than fifty words. What is it you want us to know about you?

I live a life of peaks and troughs.  I have experienced extreme highs and profound lows and I believe that is the signature of who I am.  I am an open book.  I am a loyal person, I love my people and I am optimistic.  I like to laugh and have fun.  I am determined.

2. This program is called a transformation. When you signed up for this round (whether is your ninth round, first round or somewhere in between) what was it about yourself you wanted to transform?

My lifelong attitude to health, exercise and food.  It is time to take responsibility for myself, my weight and my portion control disorder and be a grown up

3. One of the phrases Michelle Bridges says that has struck a chord with me is that we should be striving to be the best version of ourselves. To me that means we don’t have to change ourselves completely in order to have a successful transformation. What is it about yourself you are happy with right now?

I believe I have a level of self-assuredness that has come with age, and challenging times.  I know who I am as a person.  Now it's time to make the external match up with the internal and get my shit together.

4. What aspect of this program do you think will present you with the toughest challenge. What are you going to focus on to ensure you feel successful at the end of the twelve weeks? How is your answer to number 3 going to help you overcome this challenge?

None of it should be tough,  it's not rocket science.  Count and control your cals, exercise more and tada...but my excuses previously are around being busy, nightshift working, and deserving a rest.
Being true to myself is going to keep me on track.  If I am going to have my outside/ inside matchy up situation,  then JFDI

5. What is it you look forward to the most in the next twelve weeks?

Feeling and looking stronger.  I love the strong body, strong mind kinda vibe.  Grrrr

6. You’ve now completed at least three days of the program. What has surprised you the most about how you’ve coped with these first days in the twelve weeks?

Surprised at how I have managed to reduce my caffeine dependence.  I had restricted my tea intake to 5 cups a day,  and now sometimes, I only have 3.  It's a bit of a surprise that I have coped with that.
And the calorie restriction is really not that bad.
AND, I like kangaroo sausages!!!
And I still don't like fish

7. Can you describe what you want to see, think and feel when you look in the mirror on Sunday 18th November 2012.

I will feel proud of where I have been for the preceding 39 years, and I will feel that my body reflects my journey.  I will have proven to myself that in 12 weeks, I'll have achieved a healthy weight and a degree of fitness that I am proud of.  I will smile, knowing that I look great, and I'll be more comfortable in my own skin than ever before.

Woo hoo, can't wait.

Thanks,  77Noni, for the guidance.

Monday, 27 August 2012

Last weekend before the challenge begins

We were off to Melbourne this weekend, a brief visit to have a grown up dinner with the Nigelator for our impending 14yr Wedding Anniversary, and to go to the footy on Sunday afternoon.

Dinner was lovely tapas, not particularly well portion controlled but delicious.  And nice to have a conversation.  The Nigelator is a good man, and I enjoy his company.  He makes me laugh and we are very intellectually compatible.  Sometimes this is on the level of fart jokes, sometimes world issues.  Always up for a debate, less so for feelings.  But so be it.  He's mine, for better or worse, and it's mostly better.

The Nigelator and the boys, 8.5yo pickle and 7yo curly, LOVE footy, and especially their beloved Kangaroos.  I am neither here nor there.   I joke that I am a member of the club for the sake of my marriage.  I have done the hard yards in our BC (before kids) days - making sandwiches, packing thermos' of hot chocolate and sitting watching. Zzzzz. But the blokes love it and so I will support them too. 

This game was the first for the goose, Miss 5.  She was very excited.  There was face painting and she chose a flower face, in blue and white, for the club colours.  Funny girl.

The ride home was exhausting

I do love their snuggly heads.  Probably transferring head lice back and forward.  So be it.

Pickle was fast asleep behind me.  Couldn't turn around to take his photo, but I do love him too.

Here is a photo, from another time, of the pickle in all his gorgeous, big toothed glory.  He is scrumptious.
So that's us,  nice quick weekend away.  And ready to start the first week of the challenge.  Go you good thing.

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Getting ready for week 1

So I am very excited to see that the meal plans and exercise plans and all the bits and pieces have been released on the 12WBT site for week one. 

Round 3 of the 12WBT starts on Monday.  It will be my first round but man, I've been lurking around the edges for such a long time.   I've been looking on the 12WBT facebook page, looking on the 12WBT site  and playing with Michelle's books.

Now that it's all starting, it feels like I've been asked to join in with the cool kids at school. I was never asked to join in with them.  I feel a bit of a fraud.

not me, but this was how much of high school was for me.

I took 5 minutes at work to commit a bit of white collar crime last night - printing out of all the week one stuff at work.  Shhhh, don't tell the government.  The food plan, the food diary, the recipes and some extras to substitute for the fishy things (I don't do fish - an 'all in my head' issue), and the exercise plans.  It was a lot of paper.

And of course with it, came conflict.  Less about the white collar crime and more about responses I have received from others... it all looks fabulous and there were requests to make copies for others. So conflict -
  • I want to make others happy and be a sharer. I grew up as an only child.  I spend a lot of time trying to prove that I can share well with others.
  • I've paid up and have committed. You want it?  Go do it yourself.  And besides that Michelle wants me to be honest and show integrity.  She'd be very disappointed in me
I want happy Michelle

Not disappointed Michelle

So I encouraged my friends to join up.  And I invited them to eat at my house if they wanted to try the food.  Nice weasel words, BeccyB.

And so, out of respect for my love of lists and stationary, I now have a pretty green folder with my Michelle things in it.  And it's all hole punched and smooth. 

I'll be needing dividers I think.  Surely I will. 

Since I have only just arisen from my sleeping beauty slumber of nightshift and rejoined the week of humans, I shall wait until tomorrow morning for weigh and measure for the 'Measure Up', the last of the preseason tasks. 

I will also be taking my before photos.  I have decided not to post them here, but will consider a modified more dignified posting of before and after at the end of the 12 weeks. 

In the meantime, here's some little giggles for you

The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, "If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down." ~Rita Rudner
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing. ~Marsha Doble

There are really only two requirements when it comes to exercise. One is that you do it. The other is that you continue to do it. ~The New Glucose Revolution for Diabetes by Jennie Brand-Miller, Kaye Foster-Powell, Stephen Colagiuri, Alan W. Barclay

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Pre-Season Task #7 - Fitness Test

I'll be honest.

I did think I was looking forward to this, and then found myself avoiding it.

This week is a work week for me and I was blabbing on to myself...I'll need to wait for the weekend till I'm finished work, I've got a cough and a...well nothing really.  Just didn't really want to.

So this arvo, I got up and got into my gear, picked up miscellaneous children, waited for the Nigelator to get home from golf (incidentally his best golf round EVER, he told me. So he was very accommodating) and out I went.

Miss 5yo, 'the goose', saddled up on her bike and off we went.  I had googled my 1km route and we walked there briskly, and we were careful to be sure I was exactly aware of where my start and end were.

Then home again, to do the rest of it...

The results are...

1km run - 5min 5secs - Intermediate rating

Wall sit - 16secs.  Beginner rating.
 A little disappointing.  Thought I was stronger than that.  Can't really blame the sore thighs from Saturday's DVD work out though, since it's now Wednesday.  It's probably more likely that I am not as strong as I'd like to think I am.  Room for improvement.

Push ups - 1 toes, 32 knees - Intermediate rating.  Surprising. 

Sit and Reach - + 12cm - Advanced.  Always been flexible.  This has been as high as 27cm in the past.  Again, improvement possible.

Sit up - a somewhat half arsed Stage 1 - beginner.  Completely unsurprising.  Coupled with my mangey lower back, an area for loads of improvement.

So overall,  an intermediate I guess.  I am doing the 10 running program but still, it's a benchmark to measure my improvement over time.

I am really excited about the final preseason task being released tomorrow and the first week's info coming out too. 

I feel more ready to embrace the whole package of lifestyle change than ever before.  Previous efforts to apply myself to exercise, or healthy eating have been uncoordinated and quickly burnt out.  I feel all the preseason work has encouraged me to completely examine what's going on with my attitudes to health, food and myself and my place in the world.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to get all evangelical about Michelle, the messiah my new friend, because this stuff is all just common sense and mathematics

Eat less, eat well, exercise for fitness and enjoy balance in your life.

However, I think the program has been structured in such a way as to step you through what's really going on with where you are at in your life. 

And I can see what Michelle means when she said that the people who really work through the preseason tasks are the ones who have the greatest success. 
Not necessarily the ones who lose the most weight, but the ones who stick to it, and who really make and keep the changes to alter their behaviour and attitudes to health and food and their weight.

I can see already, who's who when I look on the forums - some people already looking for excuses.  Others removing or working around the challenges in their way.

I feel so ready to do this and can't wait to get into it.

Thank you too, to my lovely collection of followers. Nice to see you are travelling along with me.

Friday, 17 August 2012

Embracing the change

So here is a little more about me.  This is me and my bloke, the Nigelator.  He's such a good man, and we have been together for almost 20 yrs.  Below is a photo of us at a wedding of a colleague in May.  We shall call this the 'Before' photo because I am 7kg less today than that day -a very jolly 77.6kg I was.  Not any more. 

There is another photo of me at that wedding.  I must have been quite thirsty though, because I look much happier and disinhibited, also much larger.  I might post it at a later date.

On further successful  I made the caramelised pork with sweet potato mash from the forums a few nights ago.  Delish and so filled with guilt-lessness. 

Below is a snap from last night's dinner - I know, I know, you can't tell one from the other.  The one on the right of the picture is my version of Michelle's Crunch Time cookbook lentil shepherds pie (p115).  The dish on the left of my photo is the picture from the book.

I tweaked mine by using the bolognese recipe from the same book, with double the veg/meat ratio, then I buzzed a drained and rinsed tin of lentils with a tin of tomatoes and added to the meat and veg.  Cauliflower topping was the same.   So it worked out to be around 350-400 cal per serve, I suppose.  The crowd went wild.  Except for Miss L, usually the most adventurous eater in our house.  She ate it once she realised everyone else loved it.

To demonstrate that Mum's new food will be fabulous and interesting I also made the Strawberry and passionfruit yoghurt semifreddo from the Crunch Time book (p190).  I used both strawberries and raspberries.  They sunk into the mix a little as I was too impatient to wait for my eggs to be pale and thick.  No matter. 


Thought so.

Today, after two days of bitter cold and heavy rain, I realised that I had another excuse on my hands -
'I can't go for a run, it's too wet and I only have one good pair of running shoes and one set running clothes.'

No you don't, BeccyB.  Solve that problem.  Make Michelle proud. 
If I am doing the running plan, there will be times I need an alternative.  This could also work during my nightshift week, where I sometimes struggle to find time where the kids are supervised  and I can get out to run.  Don't think it's a great plan for them to run with me in the rain.

Off we went, Nigelator off to golf, me and the small folks into the car.  Straight to BigW, shrine to all things Michelle.  Asked the 12yo boy behind the counter.  NO Michelle DVDs.  Seriously?  But this is the land of Michelle.  I know, he squeaks.  Sorry.


So start driving home. Pull over to the side of the road.  Fix that excuse.  Pick up the phone and call call connect( I love them. 12456 and they do all the work).

Hello, JB HIFI?  Do you have Michelle?
NO?  Lots on backorder though. 
Not helping.

Hello, Target?  Do YOU have Michelle?
YES, crunch time 3 disc set.  Will put one aside.

Screaming power u-turn.  And now, all is well in the world. 

If you'll excuse me, Michelle and I have a date.  And then the kids and I are watching Bolt and having popcorn before I nap and start nightshift again tonight.

Saturday night in ED.  Hold on tight.

Thursday, 16 August 2012


As you would know, the main reason for me to stat blogging, now as opposed to any other time was to journal my experiences as I work through the Michelle Bridges 12WBT.

And an unexpected pleasure that I have gained is by connecting with others through our mutual blogging.  I love to read about others on their paths' too and it gives me a real buzz when I see that someone that I feel that I know (through their blog, or in real life) has been reading mine too and has chosen to make a comment.

The blog-osphere is so interesting. I love adding everyone I see on the forums onto my reading list to keep up with new posts and see how everyone is going...already some with weight loss, others facing challenges in their family lives, some facing self doubt, and many enthusiastic about the work they've done in preseason and warm up and ready to go.

And if I like what I read, or someone has said something that appeals to me, I really like to comment, so they know that I am reading and hearing what they have to say.

Many of us are blogging in a journalling type way, treading our own paths to find our own successs.And many of us would never have thought that anyone else would find the things we write to be interesting or relevant.

But I have found the things my team mates are writing about to be straight from the heart. There are people blogging that I really identifying with - we might have a similar age, weight ,family structure, profession or work hours or sense of humour. There are others that I seem to have nothing in common with, but their words as they commence this journey really speak to me.

And I love it. And it helps me to keep going too.

 So if I have a look at your blog, I'll comment, because I'd like you to know you are not alone.
And if you like what I have to say, I'd love you to do the same.

Good luck everyone. And lets use each other, our team mates, to stay on track.

Pre-Season Task #6 - Organise and Diarise

Woo, hello.  My favourite past time is to play diaries. 

I do paper diaries,
I do phone diaries sync-ed with outlook,
I do printed off monthly calenders starting on a Monday (because I do not like calendars that have Sunday at the beginning of the week.  Sorry, don't like it.),
and I have a big ol white board year view calender in the kitchen with 4 colours of white board pens and a chinagraph pencil (ooh, I love them too)

It is possible that I have chronic paralysis by analysis.  My pencils sharp, my desk cleared, my 'jobs' up to date, my children set up with worthy time occupying tasks, my husband occupied with his own stuff.  All set. To start.  Ok start.
But my washing needs sorting, and  I haven't had a look at those organising websites that I like for a while.  Maybe they have suggestions on how I might make my diary look better.  What about Kikki K,  I love them.  Maybe they have the perfect diary option. 
Oh, wait.  I already have that.

JFDI.  Have seen this on the forums a lot.  And being a Gen X kinda gal, took me a little while to work out what it meant.  But I get it now...golly gosh get on with it.  That's what it means.

And I understand.  Diary is great. Write down all the big days that could get me off track.  Factor in some milestones. And commit to exercise by writing it down.  And plan to shop and cook. And allow the 12WBT menu plan to guide you with menu planning.

But you have to DO it, not just plan it.

Put down the highlighter, or the mouse on the 'puter.  No more illuminating with different coloured text.  Write it and then do it. 

So that's it.  All the weeks are on my sync-ed calendars and I have committed to exercise sessions until the challenge starts, and I have done a meal plan for the same period. 

Also, I must commit to restricting my computer time. The biggest time sink of all. So, it will be 30 mins maximum, morning and evening. During that time, I must manage to check the paper, emails, blog, everyone else's blog, forum and respond if necessary.  No more checking email all day long.  Morning and night.  That's it. 

So here are my Mini Milestones.  My friend, Michelle, told me to commit to these too.

Week 4 Milestone - A big old beach walk with my family in Merimbula when we have a camping break.

This is them, minus my hubby of course, after the City2Sea last year.  They are fun and we are looking forward to whale watching and fishing and hanging out.  I will be wearing bathers too.  Adventures abound.

Week 8 Mini Milestone - New running shoes and new sports bras x2.

At the end of week 11, is the city 2 sea and I will also be participating in Relay for Life locally at the end of week 9.

Week 12 Milestone - Commit to booking weekend away with my husband. AND book in a weekend away in February with my bestie and my step-sies as a girly get away for my 40th.  AND buy a fabulous frock.

So that's me for today.   Off to put my sharp pencils and highlighter away.

Monday, 13 August 2012

Pre-Season Task #5 - Kitchen Makeover and DER moments in the kitchen

This was a painless task.  Nothing needed to be thrown out, added some quinoa.  Mostly because I like that word and how it sounds, and people (you know them, people.  The ones with all the right information) say it's healthy.

We live a reasonably clean life here, food wise.  My boomba status is all about my portion-control-ectomy, and overcoming it.  I don't ever recall being a person who says 'No, thanks, I've had enough.'  Ever. 

So the pantry, fridge and freezer are in a pretty good state.  They have been for about 5 years now since we moved away from the big smoke of Melbourne, where I had lived most of my life and moved with our 3 children, then aged 6months, 2 and nearly 4, to Tumut, NSW in the valley of the Snowy Mountains.  What a wonderful time, and a great location.  We really loved it there. 

During that time, we got our hands dirty in our veggie garden and I started making our own bread and jam and stuff.  Making as many things from scratch as I could. 
It was during this time, that my Grandmother said 'you've always been a little bit country' and she meant that this was a lifestyle she could always see me living...3 young children, trying to buck the flow of plastic toys and parent intuitively, cooking naturally and involving myself in community.

Also during this time, our oldest son, N, had an allergic reaction to an unknown substance.  Blood tests were inconclusive and so we went hardcore and eliminated all the food that wasn't basic.  We did the FAILSAFE diet, and were fortunate that a few others in the community were doing it too. It changed the way we looked at food.
We now know that N has an anaphylaxis to both Pecans and Walnuts (proven by an almighty anaphylactic reaction almost a year ago and some follow up testing), and so we have become a little more moderate with our diet but we still observe the clean living, basic philosophies of

make it from scratch if you can
if you don't know the ingredients on the list, maybe you shouldn't eat it
weird numbers on the ingredient list probably do weird things

So that leaves us with a healthy trolley and a healthy plate, but a boomba mummy (and a slightly boomba daddy, truth be told but that's his journey, not mine. I will forge on and maybe he'll come too).
And it is all about portion control.


I was listening to the PST#5 podcast yesterday,

(how I love podcasts, I can multitask. Yesterday it was walking to school to pick up the kids and listening to all the 12WBT PS tasks; today when I ran to the shops for sandwich bread for school.  it was a trauma nursing podcast.  I know, it's a little manic.  We'll talk about my mania another day)

AND my friend Michelle said that in a comparison between the fabulous exerciser and the fabulous eater, the eater will lose weight every time.

Again,  DER.

Why is this so tricky to get into my reasonably intelligent noggin?  

And in a forced choice between wagging exercise and slipping with an extra portion, it is by far the better option to wag the exercise.

However, who forces us to choose?  Rarely is someone dangling my children over a cliff saying 'Ditch the run, or eat the pasta.  Which is it going to be?  Choose or the kid gets it.'  That's right, folks.  NO ONE makes us choose that.
We can choose to do the run, AND not have the pasta.  And we can chose to keep doing it.

And keep the kids.


What's that funny feeling in my belly?

So for a couple of days I have had an unusual feeling in my belly.
Not nausea.
Not a 'poo belly' as my children like to say.
Not a tummy grumbling.
Not a sick feeling.

And then I realised what it is...


yep, it is that simple.

It has been so long since I haven't been stuffed full of a bowl of pasta the size of my skull or any multitude of portion-disabled deliciousness.
Now that I am actually accountable for every, single morsel that I consume, that there are moments, about 30 minutes or so before I eat, that I realise that I am really looking forward to feeding myself something yummy and appropriately sized.  And even though I am hungry, I eat and I am happy.  Happy because I can feel good about what I have eaten, and how much I have eaten. 

There is no missing out.  There is only choices.  And it makes me happy that I am making good choices.

I am on track for my exercise kms for the week, too.  I have decided not to go too hard on myself for run/walking instead of running every step. I am out there and I am doing it, still going the planned distance. I am moving. Everyday.  And there are times I don't want to but today's mantra was:


So there.

Gee I hope my HRM arrives tomorrow.

Sunday, 12 August 2012

Pre-Season Task #4 - Say It Out Loud

Like many of my 12WBT peers, blogging is my choice to satisfy the requirements for this task.

It's a whole new world for me, although I do love a chat so it's probably best for all that my rambling is confined to here where you can chose or otherwise to listen.

And this is kinda like a journal.  Therapy.  Counselling.  Nice, I do love a bit of talky therapy.

And here I state to you that




I WILL BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR ALL FOOD AND DRINK THAT I CONSUME by keeping track and deciding to stick to a calorie controlled plan.



Pre-SeasonTask #3 - Gear Up

Deciding mostly on the running/ home path, this is not too much of a big deal.

Today,  I ordered a Polar monitor from the link on the 12wbt website. I was going to order a red one, but got all confused and just decided to go with the special white one.  I am very excited and will be watching the postie.

I have an ipod and have already downloaded the preseason podcasts.  Will be listening to them to keep me on track.

I have good runners.  In my study days, I worked at The Athlete's Foot, so I love a nice shoe.

Since I am following the running plan, I don't need a lot in the way of equipment, just my trusty legs.  But I do have a fitball and weights here too, as my husband pretends he does weights at home.

So that's task #3 done.

This is fun

Pre-Season Task #2 - Set Your Goals

Scary, giving yourself permission to imagine a different future.  And to feel as though you deserve it. But I guess that's where working through PST #1 was useful, looking at all those roadblocks and crazy talk.

Either get better or worse...say that at work.

So here they are.  BeccyB's goals for the next 12 months

Overall Goal - lose 10kg.

Now this is interesting because when Ally and I decided to be more accountable, I was 5kg heavier than today.  But 10 more is still needed to be a really healthy weight.

1 Month Goals
Exercise 6 days a week - Plan my exercise sessions before each week begins
Lose 3kg - Follow the meal plan
Increase my running endurance -Follow the exercise plan to increase my running distance
Run in the City2Sea

3 Month Goals
Lose 8kg  - Keep going with the program
Exercise 50km/week - Mix up exercise styles to add distance to the week

6 Month Goals
Be at my goal weight - Continue my efforts with controlling my food intake
Increase my running distance - Work on half marathon training plan,
Look fabulous at my 40th birthday - Buy a beautiful dress and feel great in it at my party
Have a weekend away with my husband

12 Month Goals
Run a half marathon
Maintain weight -  Follow sensible nutrition plan.
Book into more running events
Keep on training.

So there you go.  Keep moving and keep eating sensibly.   Amazing

Saturday, 11 August 2012

Warm Up Challenge #6 and #7

WUC #6 - Track how much you spend on food is a non issue for me.  I am a make it from scratch girl.  Love it.

WUC#7 is Work Your Core and introduces a bit of planking, every day. Doable.  And my core is pretty crap.  I am not certain that I have abs.  It could be a slice of Madeira cake under that skin and boomba for all I know because I have never seen my abs.  Not sure if they are find-able.
But I'll start today. 
Right now. 
Because Michelle said.

Warm Up Challenge #5 - Set yourself a meal schedule

Easy peasy.  I love a list.  REALLY love a list.

Can't tell you how much I love a list.  And I have been meal planning sporadically for a while, financially and organisationally driven.  But this is a no brainer. 



Warm Up Challenge #4 - Write down everything you eat

So this should be easy, right?

My fabulous bestie, in real life is Allie-cat.  And I love her dearly.  We are twins in many ways and have shared many a life changing event.  Allie-cat has recently lost 10kg.  She is super ace, she has been doing the curves thing and using MyFitnessPal, like such a lot of us have too.  And she just kept going.  See her here
We live apart, after many a year living close enough to pop in and love each other dearly.  I will talk more another day about reasons she is a person I love.
As she says in her most recent post, we planned a weekly ring in and weigh in and planned to lose the weight we didn't need.  I was working away with Michelle's cookbooks and Crunch Time book and intermittently using MyFitnessPal (MFP).  Ally was doing curves and MFP.
And off we went.  I lost 3 kg in 10 days.  Ally was dropping weight too.  And then I missed a ring in, and then I was working nightshift.  And then I was away.  But she kept going.  And a couple of weeks ago when I spoke to her she had lost 8kg.  And I didn't know how much I'd lost, or gained, because I had stopped looking.  Like all the other times.  And that's when I realised that I needed to do something.  Drastic.  I needed to DECIDE to keep going.

But Ally kept going and she is still going.  10kg now. And I can't be more thrilled for her.  And she made me see, as she put in  this post, writing down everything you eat is crucial.  It makes the kinda-sorta of  dieting alone seem silly.   I am not a dietitian, nor a scientist.  I need to write it down, or log it on MFP to know how much that serve chomped into my daily limit.  Want a can of coke?  Sure, but that's not going to leave you much left over.  Big mac?  No probs.  But be prepared to not eat for a while. 
Consequences and choices.  Just like a grownup.  Who would have thought?

Pre-season task #1 - Get Real

This challenge is all about identifying the excuses that have been holding you up and contributing towards becoming a fatty boomba.

It has been an interesting process to examine the self talk that makes it ok and consider the ways that can be overcome.  Not just words this time but a genuine exploration of the real stuff going on.

So far, I have come up with ...

I've got too much to do

I work nightshift

I deserve to have a rest

I have no persistence

I can do it on my own

I can't do it on my own, I may as well not try

I've had 4 babies live in my body, I'm meant to be different to how I was before

i can't afford it

i have to do other things

sick kids

work stress

family crisis

I'm sick

I'm tired

It's too hard

It's alright for her, she has/doesn't have .....

Whatever.  What a load of crap.  How is it that an intelligent person, competent at many things, can't just get on with the rocket science of eat less/exercise more?

Because I think that I, like many people have fallen into the trap of thinking that I can live without consequences.  The generation of you can do anything, you can have everything you want.  Well, yeah, but you must pay somewhere.  Sure, eat what you want.  Reward yourself  with food.  That's what got you here.  How's that workin for ya? (thanks Dr Phil)

Not so well.  I don't feel like I can stand proud in my clothes.  I don't feel like the person in the mirror reflects who I believe I am.  But, suck it up IS who you are.  You want to be different?  Start trying to be different.  Really trying.  And sometimes it will be really trying.  Hard.  Know why?  Because you have thought this way for a long time.

So how are you going to change it?

Well, thanks for asking

I will plan plan plan.  Geez I love a list.  (shall post more about that another day)

I will schedule exercise along with other commitments, including work

I know that rest will be more enjoyable after committing to myself.

I will get support from forums, so that I can keep it up.

I will keep going.  I am a healthy capable person.  I can do it.

I will make it a habit to put myself higher on the list

I will spend less on health care, more on health promotion

I can do my other stuff too - I am more efficient when I am looking after myself.

I will think carefully about what I commit my time to.  Does it really help me be the person I want to be?  Is it a good use of my time.

I will remember that  I think clearer when I have exercised

I can still make time in most days, regardless. How much does that problem really need my attention continuously? Less than I think, probably.

And so what about that other person that is bigger/smaller whatever-er than me?  This is about finding my best me.  I look to others for inspiration, not to make myself feel worse.  Get support form people who help me feel better, not people who want to bring me down.

Phew.  That feels better.


Friday, 10 August 2012

More 12WBT warm up challenges

Warm up challenge #2 was to Halve your non-water drink intake.

This has been an achievable one. I'm not much of a boozer, don't drink coffee (I love the smell, but have never had a cup of coffee, don't like it)only the occasional softy and we don't do juice because we have young children and we like it when they think we are REALLY mean because EVERYONE else has juice.

As I mentioned in the post for 12wbt warm up #1, tea is my vice, having had times in my life where my only fluid intake for the day is tea.  Sometimes I have had upwards of 10 cups a day. 

Now that I have capped my tea intake to 5 cups a day (going well btw, and sometimes managing only 4.  Yay me), I have an empty hand waiting for a bevvie.  So water it is, and all of a sudden, my non h2o intake is vastly reduced and h2o intake muchly improved. 

So WUC#2, done.  control that tea,  drink more water.  Problem solvered.

WUC #3 is Set yourself an exercise goal

I had a failed attempt at getting hold of a handmedown HR monitor this week.  I had hoped to avoid buying one but the 12WBT forums talk a lot about how great it is to be able to track that calorie expenditure so I think I shall have to purchase one.  I do love red, so will investigate whether the special Polar offer on the 12WBT page can get me a pretty red one, and jiggle the expenditure to be able to justify a purchase so soon after the expense of signing up to the challenge.

In the meantime, I can commit to an exercise goal.  This week I will run for 20 minutes 4 times and everyday I will do some more incidental exercise. Lets break it down into a plan...

Today - ride bike to shops with Miss L (5yo) to get groceries - 3km
Sunday - 30 min run +/- kids on legs and bikes (currently about 4.5km)
Monday - walk the kids to school and run home.  Then run back and walk them home - 4km run, 4km walk
Tuesday - 12km bike ride with husband. or alone.  whatever. I'm going.
Wednesday - walk/run school run  - 8km total again.
Thursday - 30 minute run
Friday - walk/run to dance classes with Miss L in the day time, then again with the boys, Mr S(7yo) and Mr N(8.5yo) - total 4km
Saturday - 30 minute run
So that's shaping up to be a good effort, that looks like 48.5km to me. 

Nice.  Got to make it happen though.  So planning and commitment are the key.  Keep me honest, friends. And don't be afraid to shove me.

right, that's done...

I have finished my run of nightshift for this fortnight. Big deep sighs are in order.  I work, as I have said, in an Emergency Department as a nurse, and my current roster pattern is to work week on/week off so I have just finished 6 x 10.5 hour nightshift.  Man, sometimes the things we see are better than on Grey's Anatomy.  Of course, it must remain in the cone of silence, but let's just put it out there that alcohol is by far the worst drug available.  It brings customers to my work that make me laugh, and make me sad and angry, that assault their children, partners, friends and strangers, and those that are deeply unconscious and badly injured from what is widely known in the business as PFO - 'pissed and fell over.'

And alcohol can kill you. Easily.

Also, it has heaps of calories.  My friend Michelle likes me to make my own choices and not force me to do anything but what a joyless waste of calories a binge is. 
I have had contact in my personal life with many people that I care about who've had significant problems with alcohol.  Somehow, personality type, wilful determination or good luck has seen me as someone who just isn't that interested in regular alcohol, in spite of the 'rogue Irish gene' and it's tendency towards excessive fondness for alcohol.   I have certainly had some lovely vomit in the gutter 19yo moments, and have been known to have a few more than necessary.

But for the last 6 months or so, I have decided that it's a bit of a dud, and now, I'd currently average about 3 standard drinks a month and I think that is just fine.  It's interesting though how difficult other people find it when you say no to a drink.  Oh well, that's their stuff.

So now that I am a human, rather than a 'worker' for the next week, I can really knuckle down on getting these preseason and warm ups for the 12wbt done. 

Please tolerate my fiddling whilst I get myself better oriented to blog land and play with settings and layout on my blog.  And to those of you following me, thanks for coming and I look forward to all your comments.  And to my 12wbt peers, gee this is an exciting time, on the cusp of big change and working towards being super ready and able to jump into the challenge in just 16 days.  yippee